I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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