Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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