this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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