Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
