Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
