dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
