I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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