very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
