Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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