he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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