Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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