whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
