im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
