Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
