it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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