Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
