Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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