dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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