1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
