I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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