I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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