You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize