Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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