i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
