Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
