How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
