Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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