u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
