at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
