We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
