in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dignity is for republicans.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
