Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
