operation have a gay friend backfired
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
