its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
