can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
