Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
