I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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