the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
