You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
