There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
