like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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