That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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