a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
