I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
