it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
