Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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