Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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