You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
