officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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