The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
