Quick, to the slutcave!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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