Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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