is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
