Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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