she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
