I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You are a genius and a whore.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
