I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
