Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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